Saturday, July 30, 2005

So much for the break from the humidity...

Today was an absolute steamy mess, granted I was moving some furniture for NEXT weekend's yard sale that was supposed to be THIS weekend's yard sale. Make a long story short, my neighbors across the street held their own yard sale today. Lucky I was up early enough to see them setting up shop before I began setting up my shop! Not a major deal when you think about it because this will give me an extra week of advertising which will help for next weekend sale.

Normally, I would be a bit pissed off but I am trying to remain calmer in my old age. (hardy-har-har) August 1st was supposed to be my closing date, however, I am experiencing delays from the buyer's attorney. This has me aggrevated because I was told by the buyer's attorney that closing would take place between July 1st and August 1st. I was counting on this time frame being firm - according to the contract I think it is. I'm not the type of guy who just goes by the seat of his pants. Needless to say, there are plans being held up in the balance of all this. Just how many and how important I will mention in a future post because it will only upset me too much right now (it's way too hot for that). Those of you who have hung with me this long know about my move to Nebraska and my upcoming trip to Tanzania. So the clock is ticking a bit.


An ex-patriot, for real?

Apparently, I'm not the country that I thought I was:

You're Brazil!

You're athletic, charming, and probably a good dancer.
 Unfortunately, you don't really mind chopping down the rain forest, and you probably
consider homeless people expendable in certain circumstances.  Of course, your
personality is so diverse that it's hard to track down exactly what you're like.  You
definitely like Pele, the World Cup, and shouting "gooooal" at the
top of your lungs.

the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Big fix for the survey addict...

Ever in search of humorous surveys and quizzes to fill my growing addiction, I was pleasantly surprised to find that cricket scored a major fix of her own. As I was too lazy at 6:30 this morning to seek out my own I figured I would give 'em a try. Besides, Caesar dog cannot be rushed while providing today's poop du jour. Plus, they caught my curiosity immediately because each were very short, unlike others that ask for your entire life story.

So here goes...

Your Power Color Is Lime Green

At Your Highest:

You are adventurous, witty, and a visionary.

At Your Lowest:

You feel misunderstood, like you don't fit in.

In Love:

You have a tough exterior, but can be very dedicated.

How You're Attractive:

Your self-awareness and confidence lights up a room.

Your Eternal Question:

"What else do I need in my life?"

This actually isn't that far off in the grand scheme of things because I do like the color green. But lime green? Yeah, I guess it is cool...

You Are an Indie Rocker!

You are in it for the love of the music...
And you couldn't care less about being signed by a big label.
You're all about loving and supporting music - not commercial success.
You may not have the fame and glory, but you have complete control of your career.

An Indy Rocker? Well, I guess this is as close to the truth as they can get with this one because if I were to make music it would closely resemble Beck or Moby.

Overall, Your Observation Skills Get: B+
Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!

Not too bad but what if you never had venisian blinds in your house growing up? This survey may be too biased toward the interior decorator. Now vertical blinds I would have rocked!

Your Career Type: Investigative

You are precise, scientific, and intellectual.
Your talents lie in understanding and solving math and science problems.

You would make an excellent:

Architect - Biologist - Chemist
Dentist - Electrical Technician - Mathematician
Medical Technician - Meteorologist - Pharmacist
Physician - Surveyor - Veterinarian

The worst career options for your are enterprising careers, like lawyer or real estate agent.

This makes sense since many of these areas I studied back in the day while at Uni. A lawyer or Real Estate Agent wouldn't be good for me because you have to be able to shit out of your mouth under oath, in public and on command and I cannot do that!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Redhead Spice Trader.

Where You Lived: Greece.

How You Died: Typhoid fever.

This one just cracked me up! Apparently, teachers bland former lives. For this survey, you have to answer only one question, your profession, and the results are generated from your entry. Below are is the same survey using "pimp" as the profession:

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Forlorn Monk.

Where You Lived: Ireland.

How You Died: In Childbirth.


Now this one is truly funny and surprising because I thought I had more things to experience. I'm a real nasty freak...

Your Kissing Purity Score: 23% Pure

For you, it's all kiss and no talk.

You're in a permanent lip lock.

Well we can dream can't we? ;)

And finally:

You Are 61% American
Most times you are proud to be an American.
Though sometimes the good ole US of A makes you cringe
Still, you know there's no place better suited to be your home.
You love your freedom and no one's going to take it away from you!

I think George Carlin said it best: "It's a wonderful country, but a very disturbing culture at times." Amen.


Thanks Samurai Jack!

For cutting the humidity seemingly in half within the last 24 hours! I woke this morning to let Caesar dog out to dump and the air was cooler outside than in my pantry. So I quickly terminated the A/C and opened all the windows to get some fresh air in the place. Luckily today no neighbors are getting their cesspools serviced so fresh air is here to stay.

In between pricing items for my yard sale, I was able to take a few rather short surveys with interesting results. I think I will post them in a seperate post because I have some observations regarding them.


Wednesday, July 27, 2005

It's Hot As Hell! And It's Hot As Hell Too!

Well, if indeed there is a hell I am heading for it according to Dante's Inferno Test brought to my attention by this sheila. Apparently, I'm a Level 2 which means I'm a real randy Mick at that. ;) Check the fly shit, ladies and take notes...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)High
Level 2 (Lustful)Very High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Very High
Level 7 (Violent)Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test


Sunday, July 24, 2005

Quite A List I Have Here

If anyone needs an excuse to devote a half an hour to listing and ranking their life goals then stop by 43 Things and take the time.

I was surprised how many other people want to do some of the more exact (for lack of a better term) things I want to do before I take the dirt nap. Thanks to Cricket for turning me on to this trippy, free and ultimately useful utility!

And, yes Cricket you may take a peek at mine right here. ;)



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Way to go Lance for lucky number 7! You have been an inspiration and an icon for the sport! Check out more of the story here.

Side Thought: I say they should make July 24th a national holiday. What do you think?

Here's more pics of the brash Texan...

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Good luck in retirement!


Wednesday, July 20, 2005

I Was Fairly Productive Today.

How about a nifty list of things I did today? Yeah, why not, baby!

  • Broke a sweat! Unavoidable with this terrible humidity. First broke at 7:30am and continued the moist feeling all day.

  • Laundry and more laundry. No matter how much I do it seems to always collect. Although my amounts are starting to diminish as I pack more things away for the move.

  • Brought tools to my dad's house/Took Caesar for a ride! I was sad at the thought of leaving Caesar behind in the house when I went to my dad's, so I decided to bring him along. Caesar loves it when I use the Explorer's "560" air conditioning.*

  • Don't worry there's more...

  • Played phone tag with my attorney's office. It turned into phone tag because we had three power outages in my township within an hour which caused calls to be dropped and networks to be temporarily busy. Gawddamn LIPA mothergrabbers!!!

  • Hung out with my neighbor Audra, her son Colin and the new baby! After the power went on and off, and I couldn't get back in touch with my attorney's office, I went over to make sure things were okay (since she was home by herself). Ended up hanging out while Colin was raising hell. Audra and John are great friends and great neighbors. As such we got each other's back, ya heard!

  • And lastly,

    Take the MIT Weblog Survey

    Oh yeah, check out for their map of the Apollo landings. Can't wait until the map is updated with locations of bases, bio-domes, etc. Hopefully before I'm dead! :)


    *560 Air Conditioning is when you roll all five windows down and drive 60 (a-hem) MPH down the road.

    Sunday, July 17, 2005

    Teach the youth how to pimp big early!

    No wonder every twelve your old snot-nose I know owns a copy...

    Apparently, many fingers have been pointing in the direction of Rockstar Games this past week. It seems Grand Theft Auto III: San Andreas contains multiple sexually-explicit minigames that can be unlocked using the "Hot Coffee" mod, readily available on the web.

    Contrary to much of the current buzz, and according to Rockstar Games reps, the explicit content is not the result of hackers unlocking secret content within GTA III: SA. (Heaven forbid, right?) They claim that hackers discovered a way to exploit the source code directly in order to create the popular mod. In addition, the hackers were able to use "reverse-engineering," "altering" of the original code and re-compiling new code thereby altering scenes within the game.


    I would say this is quite a big deal, especially for mothers who have walked in on their sons playing the game, but still utterly hilarious in the grand scheme of things. Decades back, kids had a harder time finding ways to get off during puberty. Today, the task is just too easy for young piss pots. Frankly speaking, much of the natural self-discovery and comedic hijinks have been sadly taken away.

    Sneaking dirty magazines in your room (or swiping a few from dear old dad), copping early 80's porn tapes from either your parents' or your friends' parents' stash or simply trying to find a secluded, quiet spot in a busy household to either spank the monkey (boys) or pet the pussy (girls) all added to the heightened, frenzied fun! Why do you think sex in public places is such a turn on? Not only does it remind men and women of the youthful anxiety and feverish intent they felt while masturbating their nights away but now they get to have a partner to join in and share the bliss. What could be better, really? We all know that if you're gonna get caught doing anything it is better not to get caught alone this way another can share the blame and the guilt (in this case, the latter not so).

    I say parents be warned. You are making it way too easy for Dick and Jane to jerk off nowadays. Take the locks off their bathroom doors. Do more surprise inspections in their rooms. If you find drugs, beat the crap out of them. If you find porn, share it with your husband or wife when the kids go to bed. Lord knows the extra "spice" might do married couples some good. Bring the fun and excitement back into choking the chicken, fanning the furnace, bludgeoning the beefsteak, whistling with four lips or bangin' the bishop!

    There is a neat list of masturbatory euphemisms and most of the entries were familiar and a few made me laugh. However, embrace the plastic age and box the Jesuit and get cockroaches made me chuckle and then scratch my head... :)


    Saturday, July 16, 2005

    Who said the SATs are bogus?

    Now if I didn't prep so hard for mine, I would have never had an idea what eejitous actually means. Then again some words lack spoken rhythm and deserve to be deemed shelf worthy where they can age like a fine wine rather than like cheese. \:o

    I'm an irredeemably eejitous, liberal, disgustingly generous, relatively well adjusted human being!
    See how compatible you are with me!
    Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

    Thanks Cricket for turning me on to another fun self-discovery quizzy thingahmuhbob.


    I always knew it! Now my feelings are justified... ;)

    You scored as Yoda.

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    Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you?
    created with

    What's even more humorous about this survey...

    are the statistics. Seems I have a healthy feminine side to my Master Jedi status.


    Yoda - 75%

    Mace Windu - 72%

    Obi Wan Kenobi - 58%

    Darth Vader - 53%

    General Grievous - 50%

    R2-D2 - 42%

    Anakin Skywalker - 39%

    Clone Trooper - 36%

    Chewbacca - 31%

    Padme Amidala - 31%

    C-3PO - 28%

    Emperor Palpatine - 22%

    Sunday, July 10, 2005

    Having Some Fun With the Sloganizer!

    What is up with the weather??? One day it is nice and dry, sunny and picturesque. The next day it is humid and like an oven, albeit sunny. So can I head to the beach? NO, of course not. I have to catch up with domestic duties. Although, I will be at The Cop's later for BBQ and a dip in the pool. Lord knows I will need it after this afternoon. So in between laundry loads, I sit in the living room and watch some TV, blog surf while trying to keep cool. I stumble upon a neat set of utilities at famous The Surrealist. It's called the Sloganizer and it is a real barrel of laughs. You basically type in any word or phrase you want and the program generates a matching ad slogan to the word or phrase derived from popular products. Some of the outcomes are lame but every other time seems to generate pure gold.

    Here are some of my favorites (I have a real sick mind on top of being ruthless):

    Because Yo Mama is Complicated Enough.

    All Blunt, All The Time.

    Lick, Shoot, Suck Every Busted Nut.

    Feel The Raw Naked Cunnilingus Of The Road.

    America's Most Trusted Sweat Drip From My Balls.

    An Orgy A Day Helps You Work, Rest and Play.

    Drinka Pinta Bling Bling A Day.

    A Different Kind Of Company. A Different Kind Of Chocolate Salty Balls.

    Come See the Softer Side of Whoa.

    Wouldn't You Like To Be Tea Bag'd Too?

    An Army of Ghetto Booty.

    Never Knowingly Brass Monkey.

    Let's Face The Music and Hub Caps.

    If You've Got the Time, We've Got the Astroglide.

    That's Handy, Harry! Stick It In The Afro.

    All Irish, All The Time.

    We Bring The Good Horse Balls To Life.

    Got Squack?

    Good Honest Bearded Clam Since 1896.

    Just Like Hitler Used To Make.

    It's the Bright One, it's the Right One, that's Junkyard Willy.

    Refreshes the Old Dirty Bastard Other Beers Cannot Reach.

    If You Like A Lot Of Bitches On Your Biscuit, Join Our Club.

    Bridge That Gap with America, Fuck Yeah.

    Get More From Fellatio.

    Everything We Do is Driven by Bullshit.

    The Curiously Strong Tits.

    This Is Not Your Father's Cock.

    And last but not least (drum roll, please):

    When You've Got Rottweiler, Flaunt It.


    Saturday, July 09, 2005

    The Secret Agent / Assassin Test

    Joe/Dirty Harry
    You scored 81% Ruthless

    You are Dirty Harry from the Dirty Harry series and Joe from The Good,
    the Bad and the Ugly. The facial expressions say it all; nobody wants
    to pass you in a dark alley. You probably eat nails for breakfast, and
    enjoy punching old women in the face just for the hell of it. "I know
    what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to
    tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself.
    But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the
    world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a
    question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?" Yeah, nobody is going to
    screw with you anytime soon.

    My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
    free online datingfree online dating
    You scored higher than 97% on Ruthless
    Link: The Secret Agent/Assassin Test written by UAMaverick on OkCupid Free Online Dating

    Friday, July 08, 2005

    Google Earth is REALLY Cool!

    In between domestic duties, packing and enjoying the sun when it is not too humid outside, I have been playing with Google Earth and learning KML (Keyhole Markup Language). I am such a geek when it comes to things like this! I was a fan of Keyhole and now that Google owns their engine it has made this utility a lot more accessible (since it is free). Once you opt for a pay version of Google Earth, however, you will immediately notice an increase in image resolution as well as more up to date images within the server (T=30 days +/-).

    Even the free images are pretty good and you can do some cool effects as well. Here is a satellite shot of my new apartment (actually the whole complex) in Lincoln...

    Image hosted by
    That smudged grey line is where Google Earth stamps the address. I have not learned how to change address stamps or create icons to replace them yet. I should pick it up soon as the learning curve for KML, like HTML is not that sharp.

    My major beef with Google Earth is that it is not available for the entire globe like Keyhole's subscription service is. For most, this is no big deal because much of North American is covered in great detail. But if you are looking to expand a project to other continents you will have to subscribe to the Keyhole subscription service (a bit pricey). Google Earth Pro is available at a commercial premium but if you are willing to fork that over you might as well aubscribe to the Keyhole servers. I hope Google Earth is expanded soon to include all of the data Keyhole has available on a global scale. (I'm sure this is in the works already!)


    Monday, July 04, 2005

    Where are the Urban Ninjas when you need them?

    Just got back from Merzy's house after Methodical and I went over for some BBQ, brews and to catch some more fireworks. Merzy's wife got stuck working a late shift down Port, so Methodical and I helped entertain Merzy's two kids in between imbibing brews and consuming BBQ'd chicken thighs. The fireworks displays were fairly good. However, at times it is like watching for UFOs and I found myself spinning to try and catch visuals which were coming in all directions. Lots of laughs were had as schmucks in Merzy's development were trying to shoot their rockets and hitting roofs, trees and basically having an ill time. No fires which was a good thing.

    Merzy has a campy video fetish and always acquires weird videos of accidents, international TV commercials, bloopers, etc. We were watching The Urban Ninja video among others. I had forgotten about this dude but then remembered the Nike commercial in which he was featured hopping down a building using the outside walls of opposing flights of stairs (now that's trick, yo!). Makes one appreciate a career like Jackie Chan's for real.

    As I was searching for the video I found these...

    animated videos which I thought were pretty cool. They forgot the samurai sword along with the sugar and spice and everything nice. This little girl is made up of plenty more ingredients!

    Video #1 - Watch This!

    Video #2 - Watch This!


    Early Night for Pimp Diesel

    Yesterday was sort of a down time for the party animal. After hitting the gym early, Methodical and I went over the Cop's house to hang out pool side, drink some brews and eat some burgers. I can't just "hang" pool side so I dove in. Methodical enjoys loungin' out more than swimming and within fifteen minutes was out for the count on a reclining lounge. The pool felt awesome as the weather was not humid and the sun was mighty strong. Father, The Cop's squad partner, stopped by for a few brews and some trash talking. As the hour approached 8pm I was mighty tired. Not tired enough to sleep but I just wanted to take a shower and then lay on the couch and watch some TV. So Methodical dropped me off at my house. My neighborhood was bouncing as everyone and their aunts were out walking the streets and catching fireworks mayhem. Caesar has become afraid of fireworks in his old age so of course he was very spastic. But hey, Memorial Day, July 4th and Labor Day only come three times a year!

    Since I had just enough energy to go surf, I blogged a bit as I watched Entourage, Henry's Film Corner and Queer as Folk. Thanks to the uber-bright Audra for turning me on to another fun survey at I just can't resist finding out how I measure up in terms of figures and icons of pop culture. The survey claimed a greater accuracy if you answered more questions. Since I had nothing else pressing I took all four versions of the survey and found some interesting results...

    9-question survey result:

    This one really tripped me out!

    18-question survey result:

    What a difference from merely doubling the amount of questions.

    27-question survey result:

    Now JFK was an obvious choice because it takes a randy Mick to know a randy Mick!

    45-question survey result:

    Jeez, back to Ghandi, eh? This might be a stretch because other than Celebrity Death Match Ghandi was a rather passive fellow!


    Sunday, July 03, 2005

    Weekend Kickoff the Right Way!

    Methodical and I went to the gym like dedicated individuals in the early afternoon Saturday which was really cool. We weren't able to hook up during the week due to incompatible schedules and I had missed not working out with my regular partners. Getting into a zone is easier with partners. The Cop pinched a nerve in his neck and was incognito the whole week as well. So I was flying solo for much of the week.

    Afterwards, Methodical suggested we hit Dublin Deck for some lunch and brews. I like Dublin Deck because it is located at a marina on Patchogue River and you can sit outside under umbrellas or tiki huts. Food is decent and the drinks are not too bad either. We usually go there to see all the characters that show up and to look at birds. Saturday night did not disappoint in the bird department!

    The two of us are like pseudo-celebs...

    at Dublin Deck since my birthday bash on Memorial Day weekend. The host is this older lady who has a bubbly personality and is a natural at schmoozing with the local clientele. Remembering us immediately, she stopped at our table several times to chatterbox and share candid stories regarding patrons. For example, she had stopped at our table on one occasion and asked if Methodical and I noticed this chick sitting at the bar flocked by six knobs. We didn't notice until she brought it to our attention needless to say. After giving a good look-see my buddy and I shared a knod of approval.

    The host proceeds to tell us that the chick told her that she was a girlfriend to all six guys. The dudes each get their own day of the week (6) and the seventh day the girl takes for herself to rest (and probably douche). My buddy and I chuckle as we hear the story and then the host asks us what we personally think of the deal. My buddy, on point with his rapid-fire wit, quickly offered to volunteer for the seventh day if she had an opening. Attempting to make the host blush (merely as a joke mind you), I offered that my sexual appetite far exceeds what can be accomplished in only 24 hours, therefore I would not be a happy member of the group. Perhaps "squack rack" would be a more accurate description but I was talking to a lady after all.

    Later on we decided to move into the bar so we could sit, have more drinks and get a bird's eye view of the eye candy as they strut in. Sitting caddy corner at the bar more and more people began stepping between us to order their drinks. I felt a bump on one occasion and when I turned to see who it was, the chick asked me if I minded she ordered a drink. Of course, I said no problem. Next, she leans on me and asks if I mind her leaning while she waits for her tequila shots. Again, I say no problem at all. Now what happened next caught me completely off guard. The chick asked me If I minded if she picked at my ear with her pinky while she waited for her shots. (Side Note: her French manicure was totally spot on and totally sexy with nails just the right length.) I simply laughed it off and helped her collect her shots, salt shaker and lemon wedges.

    Maybe it was the amount of drinks I had or possibly something else but my quick wit failed me at that moment. Methodical suggested I say something on the lines of, "Is that the best pick up line you have?" I liked that idea because it opened that door for interesting discourse and I wished I was able to put that together on the spot. Later on, I realized why I was caught off guard in the first place. For one my ears are erogenous zones. Other than full-blown (pardon the pun) oral sex, nothing can start my engine faster than hot breath, a warm tongue or lips sucking on my ear lobes. I simply burn, baby. Also, picking at my ears was something my ex used to do and I loved it.

    We could be watching a movie on the couch or just lying around and she would scratch the inside of my ear lightly with a nail and it always made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. So when the girl mentioned the ear picking thing it made me think of my ex which might have made me zone out a bit. I guess she still occupies a certain portion of my back burner. But don't worry I am not going to let it get me all twisted!

    An added bonus to the evening was the late arrival of The Cop and his wife for a couple of drinks before they headed home. When I called The Cop to see what he was up to, he said he was just leaving a Police BBQ and would stop down to Dublin Deck for drinks. When I went to take a piss my cell rang and it was The Cop asking me where I was. So as I was making my way to the shit houses I passed the from entrance and their he was with his wife on crutches (wtf?). His wife is a nurse. Turns out she popped her knee out trying to lift and transport a patient. What a buzz kill! I sympathize with her because my ex was a nurse and I was always concerned about her lifting patients by herself. It's not that I thought she wasn't strong but a guy my size would be a challenge for any one person male or female. In any event, it was a short night for the two of them because she looked like she was in a little bit of discomfort.

    Regardless, it was a fun night for all as Dublin Deck was bangin' with truly shuckable clam!


    Saturday, July 02, 2005


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    One thing to remember is that this holiday is another "amateur night" that lasts for three whole days and nights. So everyone have a safe time at barbeques, beaches and parties. Don't go turning your hands into burnt, bloodied, deformed knubbs. Sois sage!